A Provocloniversary
by UnbalancedEnigma
Summary: A Dr. Two Brains and Lady Redundant Woman fluffy one-shot taking place at a villain convention. It works off the assumption that they've already been an item for awhile, six months to be precise. The doctor wants to celebrate the events, but awkward and silly interruptions ensue. This features a wide variety. Rated K for a little suggestive romancing.


They'd be going out for several months now. The dates started off casual, of course. At first, nearly a year ago, Dr. Two Brains had mostly wanted to get to know Lady Redundant Woman, to study her and possibly team-up for the sake of villainy. But the two had soon found that a strange friendship had developed without them even realizing it, and after dancing around the subject for another few months, they finally became an official couple, and things were going well.

However, this particular day, aside from being a monthly villain convention meeting, was also the six-month anniversary of their first real date. The doctor had wanted to do something special, especially since the two hadn't seen each other much due to crimes and jail time, but it'd be difficult to get Beatrice alone with all the other criminals around. He'd given his henchmen the day off, but that only did so much.

Dr. Two Brains entered the motel and took a deep breath, trying to locate his date by smell rather than vision. He heard a few of the others cheer and announce his arrival, since it _was_ his turn to bring the snacks. His eyes wandered around the room as he absent-mindedly walked over to the tables and dropped several bags down. The scientist was starting to wonder if Lady Redundant Woman simply hadn't shown up yet (or worse, wasn't going to show at all), when a tap on his shoulder jolted him back to reality.

"Looking for, searching for, or seeking someone?"

"Lady! You, uh, you look… great," he started, suddenly blanking on what he wanted to say. She looked the same as she always did, but it never hurt to open a conversation with a compliment.

"Tell me something I don't know," the villainess smirked and pulled him away by the hand. "Here, I already got us some seats."

"Oh, uh, alright, but hey, listen, Lady, I-" he was cut off by the greetings of the others in the vicinity as he sat down.

They briefly chatted with him, despite his subtle hints that he didn't feel like conversing. Soon enough, Granny May officially started the meeting, and Two Brains knew he wouldn't get a real chance to talk to Lady Redundant Woman for a good half-hour or so, at least. He knew he hadn't arrived early enough to really spend time with her (the traffic was bad – that was out of his control), but he was at least hoping for the chance to let her know he wanted to talk later. Defeated, he slouched back into the uncomfortable metal chair and tuned the announcements out. He mentally reviewed what he wanted to say to his girlfriend, again and again, hoping he wouldn't mess the words up when the time came.

As the minutes wore on, he found himself drumming his fingers against his knee in frustration. He glanced over to the clock on the wall for what must've been the seventh time. Then, another touch brought his focus back. Lady Redundant Woman had cupped her hand over his other knee. She gave a reassuring squeeze when his eyes met hers. She mouthed something silently to him, but the doctor was too focused on the warmth of her gloved hand to understand what it was. The encouraging gesture made him wonder if it'd be too much to put his arm around her in public. His eyes dropped to her waist as he pondered the idea. When it occurred to him that his distractedness might be seen as awkward staring, his vision snapped back to the front. The Coach had stepped up to try to get the others to donate money to his new villain school fund. Two Brains looked back to Lady, and for a moment he considered dropping his head on her shoulder. He had to sternly remind himself that, even though they were sitting in the back, they weren't the only two in the room. Someone would be sure to notice.

After a few other villains stepped forward briefly to speak, the meeting was finally adjourned. Two Brain jumped up from the seat and turned to face Lady Redundant Woman.

"Lady, hey, can I talk to you about something?"

"Yeah, sure, of course, Doctor. What is it?"

"Well, I was hoping we could speak in pri-"

"Heeey, Doc! I didn't think you were gonna make it!" The Butcher called out, giving the scientist a friendly but rough slap on the back. "Ya know, seeing as how you were in _prison_ for the past several weeks."

Two Brains turned around to retort about the prison's new security system in his defense, but he saw that The Butcher also had Granny May and Chuck beside him, and they didn't look like they were about to leave.

"See, I _told_ you he wouldn't miss a meeting!" the elderly villain cackled. "Now pay up, sonny!"

"Oooooh, drat! I was sure the jail would hold him this time..." Chuck lamented as he handed Granny May several bills. "But it's alright. My _next_ crime will more than make up for this bet!" He nudged the doctor in the side. "You wanna hear all about it, Two Brains? It's gonna be _sooo_ huge that I could end up being the city's new favorite villain _and_ my mom's favorite son!"

"Ehyeaaah, listen, that's great, Chuck, but-"

"What? My schemes aren't _good_ enough for you to listen to now? I was thinking of letting you team up with me and share the profit, but not with that attitude! It's not like I need you to pull it off or anything. I'm powerful enough all by my_self_!"

"That sounds so interesting, fascinating, and enthralling, Chuck," Lady Redundant Woman cut in. "But I think you should share the story with some villains who don't already know how, uh… competent you can be. How about you go talk to…" she quickly scanned the room for nearby victims. "Ms. Question and Captain Tangent!" She leaned in to whisper. "I think I overheard them say that you don't deserve to be a proper villain."

"What?! C'mon, Butcher, Granny May, let's teach those amateurs a thing or two about _real_ criminals!"

"Wow…" Two Brains muttered while staring at the trio walk off. "I can't decide if Chuck's way too gullible or if that was a fantastically devious trick."

"Both are accurate, true, and correct," Lady Redundant Woman smirked. "You're welcome."

"Heh, thanks…"

"So you were saying?"

"R-right. I'd rather talk alone, Lady. If you don't mind."

"Alright, uh, let's go to one of the balconies upstairs."

The two villains worked their way through the noisy and crowded hall and were just about to reach the staircase when, not surprisingly, another interrupted occurred.

"Lady ReDUNdant Woman!" Mr. Big shouted as he jumped in her path. "Good to see you. You look quite fashionable today."

"Of course I do, naturally! I'm wearing the same thing I always d-"

"That's nice. Now, remind me again, please, what _is _your superpower?"

"Cloning, copying, duplicating, replicat-"

"_FanTASTic!_ Just what I wanted to hear. Say, Two Brains," he said looking past the villainess. "Mind if I borrow her for a minute?"

"Actually, I–" Beatrice started.

"Great, thanks!" He smiled with a curt wave as he led Lady Redundant Woman toward his assistant. "We've got some _big_ business to discuss with you," he continued to her as he walked away.

Two Brains huffed impatiently and leaned against the wall. Not knowing what to do with himself, he looked at his watch apathetically. He wasn't sure how much time he had left. The conventions always just seemed to go on until everyone eventually went back to their lairs. He glanced about the room, hoping that no one would think less of him as a villain for standing around by himself while everyone else was mingling. Suddenly, The Amazing Rope Guy crossed over to that side of the room and stood next to him.

"So no one will talk to you either, huh?" he began. "I sure know how that is. But, hey, it happens to the best of us, right?" He nudged Two Brains in the side, prompting an unappreciative glare. "At least we can be lonely together, ya know. I always knew that one of these days – aw."

Two Brains had walked off without a word. _That_ was the last thing his reputation as a high-profile super-criminal needed. Unsure where else to venture, since Mr. Big didn't appear to be making his discussion brief, the scientist dove back into the crowd and eventually sat down at a table across from Tobey. Two Brains looked on in silent curiosity as the boy genius tinkered with a small device.

Tobey looked up, raised an eyebrow, and then quickly threw his arms over his work. "I'll have you know, Dr. Two Brains, that I _don't_ appreciate you spying on my creative process."

"Pfft. As _if_. I've got too many of my own invention ideas to think about taking yours, kid. I'm just bored."

"Oh… Well, if that's all…" He slowly let his guard down, though still suspicious, and continued working. It was obvious enough that he wasn't over the whole Mousezilla incident. They sat quietly for several minutes, since Tobey didn't care to talk, and Two Brains didn't know what to talk about. Finally, the scientist grew tired of the silence and spoke up.

"So. How's… life?"

"The usual. Not that it's any of your business," Tobey responded without looking up.

"Oh. Well then… had any successful crimes, lately?"

"Look, don't you have any other villains to pester?"

"Hey! I- of course I do!" Two Brains asserted. "Can't a two-brained scientist just have a conversation with robot-building kid – "

"I prefer the term 'boy genius'."

" – without being given grief for it?"

"Not when I can tell you're up to something."

"Oh, so _I'm _up to something then, am I?" Two Brains folded his arms and leaned back in the chair. Were it not for his lack of socialization options, he wouldn't've put up with this.

"You always are. And besides, you seem far too distracted today to just be relaxing at a convention. What are you planning, Two Brains?"

"I'm not planning anything!"

"Hmyes, I don't buy that for a moment."

"Well you know what, Tobey? You don't have to." With that, the scientist slouched further down into the chair and stared off at the business man and the villainesses, still visible even through the crowd. Lady Redundant Woman glanced over and waved at Two Brains before returning her attention to her conversation. The villain quickly sat up straight and eagerly waved back. Without thinking, he smiled and released short sigh, then rested his chin in his palm and his elbow on the table. Though he wished he could have one-on-one time with his date, part of him did enjoy simply getting to admire her from a distance.

Tobey raised an eyebrow and drummed his fingers on the table thoughtfully. There was something about the exchange he just witnessed, something about Dr. Two Brains' posture and expression… With a smirk, Tobey realized that maybe talking to the older criminal would be worth his time after all. He had some long overdue hassling to repay.

"My, my, my, Two Brains. Now aren't we the hypocrite?"

"Huh?" He had barely heard what the boy said in his surprise that they were evidently chatting again.

"Pfwell I just find it a bit ironic, you know."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, come _on_, Doctor. You think I, of all people, don't recognize that look?"

"I have no idea what you're getting at here, child."

"But I must say I am rather surprised. You never struck me as the 'settling down' type. What with your bizarre obsession with cheese and whatnot."

"…Are you feeling well?" Two Brains said, narrowing his eyes. He was catching on but really didn't think it was any of Tobey's business.

"Me? Never been better. _You_ on the other hand seem to have contracted a serious illness. We experts typically call it 'love'."

"I am _not _- !" Two Brains realized he was getting loud and quickly lowered his voice to not cause a scene. "I'm not in love, Tobey."

"Deny it all you like. It won't change anything."

"What makes you such a professional on the matter anyway?! You haven't even hit puberty, for crying out loud!"

"Hm. Sounds to me like I struck a nerve. I wonder what Madame Redundant Woman would say if I told her that you _readily_ denied your feelings for her…"

"You wouldn't – "

"Oh, quite the contrary! You had no problem embarrassing _me _in front of the object of my affections, remember?" Tobey stood up but didn't leave. Two Brains followed suit and put his hands on his hips.

"You can't even compare these situations! WordGirl is _the enemy_, Tobey! At least Lady is a fellow villain."

"Ha! Then you admit that you're in love!"

"W-what? I – no. I never said that."

Tobey threw his arms up in victory. "Say it! _Say _you're a hypocrite and had no right to mock me!"

"Bite me, kid."

"Fine, then I'll just tell her what you said."

"I don't have to deal with this."

The boy genius walked around Two Brains and started to cross the room. "Oh, Madame Redundant Wo – mnph!" The scientist quickly put his hand over Tobey's mouth and yanked the boy back, hoping no one noticed anything.

"Okay, okay!" he said in a harsh whisper. The, lowering his voice even more, he continued through gritted teeth. "I'm… a hypocrite." Tobey pulled Two Brains' hand away.

"_And?_"

He sighed. "…and I shouldn't've made fun of you. There! You happy now?!"

"Very much so," Tobey replied with a triumphant chuckle. After a brief moment of Two Brains glaring at him with neither saying anything, Tobey continued. "Well, my work here is done. See you next month, Two Brains." With that, he grabbed his project off from the table and strutted away.

"What was that about?"

"Gah!" Two Brains whipped around and saw Lady Redundant Woman standing right behind him. She must have finished her discussion while he was distracted.

"It looked pretty heated, intense, and bitter."

"Oh, he just… reopened some old wounds. You know how kid villains are, always holding grudges. But, hey, what did Old Man Moneybags want?"

"He wants me to team, partner, and join up with him for this new crime he's planning. I could use the extra money, dough, and cash to fix my car! Isn't that great?!" She clasped her hands together and nearly started bouncing in place. Two Brains rarely saw her smile that much. He wanted to be happy for her, but he couldn't bring himself to.

"Yeah, I guess, but… weren't we gonna go on a crime spree soon?"

"Mhm. And we still can. We'll just have to work it around Mr. Big's plans." Lady Redundant Woman noticed that her date had lowered his head somewhat and shoved his hands into his pockets. "You're not… offended, or insulted, or hurt, are you?"

"No, no, why would I be upset?" Two Brains gave a half-hearted shrug and pretended to be distracted by something off to the side so he wouldn't have to make eye-contact.

"Doctor." Her voice was stern but not judgmental. She was on to him in a second. "Didn't we talk about being honest with each other no matter what?"

"Yeah. Yeah, we did," he sighed. "I just… this is a priority for you, and that's fine. But… I thought I was the number one villain around here, so I figured our team-up with take priority. I'm worried about what the others might think. That's all."

Lady Redundant Woman put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure that's all?"

"Okay, _and _I've been really looking forward to it. We haven't had quality time together in a while."

"Hey," she said, turning her face to see his. "You're my boyfriend. The only reason you don't come first here is because I can trust, count on, and feel safe knowing that your offer will still stand. It's not time-sensitive."

"Yeah, I know," Two Brains sighed again. He was trying not to be disappointed because he knew rationally there was no reason to be. But that didn't change anything.

"So. What was it you wanted to talk about?"

"Right. Let's head upstairs."

So the pair made it back across the convention hall and up to the second floor balconies with only minor interruption. By now the sun was just starting to go down, so it wasn't particularly bright out. The sky was a bit overcast. They both leaned on the railing and looked out over the town. It was much too peaceful looking for either of their tastes, but since nearly all the villains were at the motel, there was hardly anyone left to cause chaos. Having been so thrown off by the day, Two Brains didn't know where to start. In his hesitation, Lady Redundant Woman began to speak.

"I like this view of the city…"

"Huh?"

"The view from this motel. The city seems so small, so tiny, so… miniature." She paused for a moment. "I guess it reminds me of a dollhouse. It's kind of… nostalgic."

"I'd never thought of it that way. But now that you mention it, I like the view from here too. It's nice being on the outside looking in, getting away from all the ridiculousness of the city, spending time with fellow villains… with you." Two Brains moved closer to his date and gave a nervous smile. His transition into the conversation wasn't exactly smooth, but it was something. "I wasn't sure we'd ever get away from the others."

"You _could've_ always just asked me on a date some other time, ya know." She wasn't angry, but there was a slight hint of condescension in her tone. "Then getting me alone wouldn't be so difficult."

"No, Lady, I needed to talk to you _today_."

"…Why?" she asked nervously, pulling back a bit.

"You… don't know what today is, do you?" He waited while she stared at him in befuddlement. Her brow furrowed as she tried to figure out to what he was alluding. When it was clear she wasn't getting anywhere, he continued. "It's our six-month anniversary." He tried not to show that he was a little more than a little hurt.

"Oh!" The villainess blushed in surprise. She realized his dejection and quickly tried to cover up her failure. "Doctor, I… didn't know we were going t-to celebrate that. W-we never talked about it."

"No, I know. I just… six months is a long time. I wanted to, ya know, commemorate that."

"I don't – I. I'm not sure what to say o-or how to respond or..." She suddenly couldn't think of another synonym. Beatrice stared down and wrapped her arms together as if it would help the situation. She really wished he'd approached the situation differently, but there'd be better to critique his methods in the future.

"It's alright, Lady, you don't have to. Just, well, here, happy halfiversary," he mumbled while holding out a small rectangular box toward her. So much for his original plans. At this point it was fortunate that he even managed to get this far.

Slowly, she took it, feeling terrible for not having gotten him anything. All she could do now was hope that, whatever it was, it wasn't too expensive. She lifted the top off the box and was confronted with two necklaces, connected together. The pendent at the end of the chains was a small, silver heart, jaggedly split down the middle but connected by a magnet. On the heart was written "Partners in Crime", such that first half read "Part i Cri" and the other half read "ners n me". It wasn't too fancy, but Lady Redundant Woman found herself staring at the trinket in admiration and appreciation. She opened her mouth to reply, but no sound came out.

"It, uh, made me think of you, heh. Well, uhm, _us_, that is," Two Brains whispered, nervously putting his hand behind his neck. He felt relieved by her positive, though indirect, reaction, but all the awkwardness of addressing their relationship flooded back to him. He didn't really know how to be romantic, and part of him was still worried about what she'd think. "I thought we could, ya know, each wear half. Then it'd be kinda like we're together, even when one of us is stuck in jail or busy scheming or whatever."

"I love it, Doctor. It's beautiful and perfect. Thank you so much." The villainess gave a relaxed smile. She wanted to put more energy into her reaction, but all she could do was feel confused, though grateful, as to how she managed to end up in this relationship. "I… I don't deserve this."

"Nonsense, of course you do! Go on, pick which side you want."

"Oh, I don't have a preference. The first half, I guess."

As they took their sides and started to put them on, Lady Redundant Woman realized that her date was having some difficulty. She giggled against her own will.

"Here, let me," she said as soon as her own was secured.

"I've almost got it, it's just this darn clasp is so small." He was tilting his head and arms awkwardly as he fumbled with the chain.

"The clasp is _fine_," she replied with another laugh as she walked behind him. "Your hands are just huge, big, and oversized, silly."

Defeated, the scientist let her help. He looked down at his hands. They _were _oddly large. Though rubber gloves didn't exactly help either.

"There. You're all set and good to go."

"Thanks, Lady. I – huh?" He froze for a moment, surprised. Still standing behind him, Lady Redundant Woman had wrapped her arms around his chest and leaned her head on his shoulder. As soon as he realized what happened, he tried to relax. He gently covered her hands in his, in attempt to return the embrace.

"I'm sorry I didn't know about today," she whispered, tightening her hold.

"It's fine, Lady, really. Don't sweat it."

"You know, you're really sweet for a wanted serial thief who regularly terrorizes the city."

"I try."

"Mmmm, and you succeed." The villainess wasn't used to being close to people or being especially touchy, but she desperately wanted to give her date something in return. So, Lady Redundant Woman pressed her lips against his neck and took a strange, triumphant delight when she felt a slight shudder run through him at the contact.

Dr. Two Brains wiggled out of her grasp but continued holding onto her hands. He laughed nervously. "That's not fair, sneaking up on me like that. I don't stand a fighting chance against you."

"No. You don't," she smirked, moving closer in again. Lady Redundant Woman went to kiss him on the mouth this time but stopped just before their lips touched. "So, Doctor, whatdyasay? Wanna help me make today's featured word 'osculation'?"

"It would be my honor, Lady."


End file.
